The Art of Caring- how does it feel?

People say that having been a patient makes you a better nurse. They say you can tell the difference between a midwife who has had a baby and those that haven't  ....the one who's had one doesn't say "this might hurt a bit".

As I get more older and more experienced witnessing and experiencing the other side of caring and being cared for, I try harder than ever to listen and hear my patients voices and for those that have no voice their carers.

Having experienced my mother going into Hospital for three weeks this month, I was saddened as well as relieved by the care she received. A mixture of emotions, but one things for sure since my days in an acute setting, things have certainly changed. Over the years I've done my best to avoid my mother having to undergo admissions , speaking to the ambulance service , making sure my mums advanced directive is prominent and striving to keep her at home with the man who loves her, cares for her and ultimately has sacrificed his own self for her.

Home just over a week, she's a changed woman and not for the better! My Dad was so pleased when they said she was coming home, I could hear the happiness in his voice and sitting here now holding her hand whilst I type and listening to her rumblings and gasps of confusion---- despite the negative changes ,this is where she belongs. As clinicians we can fall into the trap of thinking we know best and not seeing the whole person. I like to think and hope that being a guest in someone else's house negates this and that with the right care, home is  where people should be.

Mum now has carers 4 times a day, a DN for the grade 3 pressure ulcer acquired in Hospital and a Hospital bed. My back is aching getting her up and down and assisting her to walk with a simmer frame to the  Buxton Chair where she stays all day. She is I’m afraid nearly lost to us, being confused and anxious most of the time now. My father is now absolutely housebound too ....dependent on others to release him but at least he has accepted some help and recognises that he simply can't manage on his own.

Perhaps the nest way of describing the impact we have on others is to listen to those others and so here are snippets of my fathers words

- I use the time the sitters are here once a week to have a bath. I can spend a whole hour by myself, it's a great source of pleasure.

- See, you can tell the difference between the older ones and the young ones (carers). They all do the same, but the older more experienced ladies talk to her, they spend a while and they treat us with kindness. They know that there’s a real person hidden in the woman they see.

-the older ladies walk her to the bathroom when she's good and not wash her on the commode or on the bed. They know she can do it and she's so pleased.

- I know people think I'm obsessed about getting my paper everyday. It has become a lifeline to me to be able to do the crossword. It keeps my brain active and gives me something to look forward to everyday.

 So once again the importance of keeping the right people at home for as long as possible is the way forward. It's tough , it's tiring and at  times downright depressing, but it's also their right, their wishes and in a lot of cases their purpose. It should be easier to do this....... It's certainly cheaper for the system! As an election looms, as a family carer I'm fascinated to see how my Fathers payment for my mother has doubled overnight with absolutely no changes to their circumstances, making him reluctant to accept the help. It's a disgrace and a travesty when people who have had only one admission throughout their journey of co morbidities and ill health  struggle so much to receive care.

I am in a position to help this and use my scholarship to consider different and new ways to bridge the gap. My experience of my mothers care is that the amount of time you give doesn’t really matter- its what you do in that time that matters. Its how much of yourself you’re willing to give others that makes the difference between being visited and being cared for.